33

Now that I'm married, the question "any good news?" is inevitable. Last week alone, I was asked "are you pregnant?" a couple of times thru whatsapp. I immediately checked my profile photo and recents instagram posts, worried if I looked unusually "bloated" or "chubby" or "glowing" or whatever that gave them the slightest idea of me being pregnant. Apparently no. Felt a huge relief when they clarified that it is a standard question to every newlyweds. 

I have always wanted kids asap for personal reasons, particularly not wanting to have a big age gap with my children. Hilmi is cool with anything as long as it doesn't interfere with me studying. He often talks about how he's looking forward to see me gaining weight during pregnancy. Pffft.

I admit that I envy my recently-married friends who got pregnant straightaway but I doubt that I can manage my time wisely. I can hardly juggle between my classes, assessments, shivering under the duvets, traveling, blending in with the Brits and trying out new recipes, let alone managing an infant. Who wouldn't want to have an "internationally-made" baby? I do. We get teased about this a lot. We just have to prioritize the priorities. In shaa Allah, baby project is on once I'm done with my MA.

I was scrolling my instagram feed last weekend and he caught me sheepishly smiling looking at a video of a baby chuckling and she was the cutest thing ever, I could see her dimples! It just happened to be on my timeline and I swear I wasn't even stalking anybody in particular! There are a lot of moms in my following list so babies' photos are pretty common in my timeline. I will never forget what he said next,

"Awak asyik tengok videos baby je recently, dah tak sabar eh?"

K.

K.

K

Honestly, I was very embarrassed. I think he might think that I'm pretty desperate to have one.